


Five Steps Taken Along the Path of Life

by Settiai



Category: Black Ships - Jo Graham
Genre: 5 Things, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Missing Scene, One Shot, POV First Person, Yuletide, Yuletide 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-25
Updated: 2008-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-02 15:51:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/pseuds/Settiai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is love, Xandros the son of Markai. Never forget what you have been given."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Steps Taken Along the Path of Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Penknife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penknife/gifts).



> Originally written for Yuletide 2008.

**i.**

_"This is love, Xandros the son of Markai. Never forget what you have been given."_

I woke up alone, weak tendrils of a dream quickly fading from my mind. The empty space beside me was already cool to the touch. "Neas?" I asked, raising my voice so it would carry outside my walls.

There was no answer. I had not expected there to be one.

Sighing, I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. It had been foolish of me to think Neas might rest. He had waited until I had fallen asleep and surely slipped away the moment my breathing had grown steady. Still, it was not as if I could find fault with his actions. I would have done the same.

I stood up, reluctantly leaving the warmth of my bed. The sun had not yet begun to rise, and I was not used to awaking so early outside of the fishing season. If I was to find Neas before the ceremony began, I had no other choice but to leave before it grew any later. For once, time was not on my side.

Kneeling for a moment, I gathered the clothing I had discarded the night before. I could not be certain, but I suspected I knew where Neas had gone. If I hurried, I might still find him there.

The journey took less time than I expected. It had been some time since I had slipped out to follow Neas in the middle of the night, long enough that my stride had grown longer. I supposed it was another silent symbol of the passage of time.

When I found Neas, he was standing on a high rise just outside the city's walls and staring out at the sea in the distance. The sun was high enough in the sky that the water was visible, if barely, and his gaze was focused on it as if he could see the Lady herself there. Perhaps he could, in his own way.

"I wondered if you would come," Neas said, not looking at me.

I stopped beside him. "Did you truly think I would not follow you?" I asked, focusing my gaze on the distant sea as well. I was careful not to look at his face. "I swore when we were children that my loyalty would always be to you, my prince. Marriage will not change my promise."

Neas clasped my arm, and I turned toward him. His face was serious, more so than I had ever seen in the past. "I do not deserve such loyalty, Xandros."

"No, you do not," I agreed immediately.

Neas looked startled for a moment until he looked closely at my face. Then he smiled and started to chuckle, tilting his head as he waited for me to continue.

I clasped his arm with my free hand. "You deserve more loyalty than I could ever give," I continued quietly. "Much more."

The amusement faded from his face, a contemplative frown replacing it. Then he leaned in to kiss me. It was brief, lasting barely a moment, but it managed to say more than words ever could. As he pulled away, I saw the last vestiges of childhood disappear from his face. I suspected he saw the same happen to mine, though I had no way of knowing for certain.

"I did sleep for a short time." Neas looked away, his eyes drawn back toward the sea. "It was a dream that woke me."

I did not speak. I had learned long ago the importance of listening when it came to the rare dreams that Neas had. There was nothing I could say that would make a difference.

"I saw us standing side-by-side," he continued, his voice distracted. "There was gray in our hair, wrinkles that could only come from age. And there was a woman clothed in black, between us yet not keeping us apart. Try as a might, I could not see her face. It was hidden from me."

He trailed off, nothing left to say.

"Come," I said, offering my arm. "You need to sleep, if only for awhile. Creusa will not forgive either of us if you are too tired for the marriage bed."

With a grateful nod, Neas took my arm and let me lead him back toward the Citadel. "No," he agreed, "I suspect she will not."

  
**ii.**

I studied the ill-made camp with some scrutiny, trying to keep my mind solely on the present. There was no use thinking about what could not be changed, not when there was so much that still needed done. I was not the only one who had lost those that I loved.

"Do you think I have made the right choice?"

Startled, I tried not to let it show as I turned toward Neas. His frown told me that he had noticed my slip. I had not heard him approaching, not until he had spoken, which did not speak well of my state of mind.

"I think there is no other choice you could have made," I replied, pitching my voice low so that none of the others around us could hear. "Look around us, Neas. This is all that remains of the People, a handful of men and even fewer women. If we are to survive, we must rescue those that were taken to Pylos as slaves. There is no other option."

Neas did not meet my eyes. "Even then, do you think we will survive?" he asked. "As you said, there is only a handful of us left."

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. "I'm only a fisherman's son, Neas," I said tiredly. "There must be others whose council would be worth more than mine."

He did not reply for several heartbeats' time. "Perhaps," Neas whispered, bringing his hand down to rest on my arm, "but there is none that I trust more than yours."

I slowly opened my eyes, not surprised when his gaze met mine. We stood there, neither of us speaking, and for an instant I could almost believe that time had somehow reversed its course and sent us back to our youths.

"Father!"

The spell was broken as Wilos appeared seemingly out of nowhere, wrapping his small arms around his father's legs. Neas opened his mouth to speak, an apologetic look on his face, but I shook my head. The ache in my chest grew more pronounced, and my daughters' cries echoed in my head as clearly as if I had been there to hear them.

"I will tell the others to prepare," I said, turning away from Neas and his son. "It would be best if we arrived in Pylos at dawn."

  
**iii.**

Pythia's words echoed through my mind, promising me that Ashterah's death was not the mark of a curse but simply the Lady of the Sea taking back what rightfully belonged to Her. Her words had been honest and simply spoken, yet I could not believe them. Even if the Lady had taken her, the fault still rested with me alone. I had been the one to take Her priestess from the temple. If it had not been for me, Ashterah would still live.

"I fear that I am under a curse."

Neas's head turned sharply toward me, his eyes studying me carefully. "Why would you say that, Xandros?"

My heart ached as I remembered Ashterah's smiling face as she asked to stay on deck to watch the storm. "The Sea Lady has condemned me, Neas," I said. "I have stolen Her priestess from Her."

Neas stared at me, not speaking. Then he sighed. "Have you spoken with Sybil?"

I looked away. I knew in my heart that I was under a curse, even if she doubted. She was Death's handmaiden, but she was still human. Her Lady did not always speak to her; perhaps She did not want to interfere in the plans of Her sister.

"I will consider your words," Neas said finally. He was silent for a moment. Then he placed his hand on my arm, his touch so light that I could barely feel it. "I pray that you are mistaken, Xandros. I do not want to believe that She would place a curse on someone so dear to me."

I did not reply. There was nothing I could say.

  
**iv.**

Neas was smirking when I stopped beside him at the water's edge, despite the sadness in his eyes. Lord Anchises's death had been long expected, and though I knew he grieved he would not let it show any more than he had earlier in the morning. "Did you ever decide who was screaming and who was yelling last night?"

I felt my face grow warm. "You heard?" I asked, not certain I wanted to know the answer.

He replied with a quiet laugh. "Xandros," he said gently, "I doubt there was anyone who did not hear. Kos was simply the only one tired enough to shout back at the two of you."

I sighed and reached up to rub my neck. "She is expecting a child in four moons' time."

Neas did not say anything. I glanced over at him, not startled to see no surprise on his face. "You knew?" I guessed.

"My dear Xandros," he said, patting me on the arm. "Sybil has been with child for six moons. I expect you're the only one who did not already know."

I felt wetness in the corners of my eyes, and I quickly looked away. I had thought that I had seen the last of my tears the night before, when Gull had told me the news, but it seemed I was wrong. The only reason I had not seen what was in front of my eyes was because I had not wanted to see it.

Neas sighed, and I felt his arms suddenly wrap around me. It was a brief hug, but the tightness of his grip almost took my breath away. "Her Lady will protect the child," he said softly as he pulled away. "I am certain of it."

My throat felt raw, and I could not speak. Neas seemed to understand. His hand rested on my shoulder as I struggled to compose myself.

"Come with me, Xandros," he said after enough time had passed. "We should return to the others. The funeral pyre should be almost prepared. For now, we will remember the honored dead."

I managed to smile. "And perhaps soon enough we will celebrate new life."

He tightened his grip on my shoulder. "Congratulations, Xandros." He smiled at me, the first true one I had seen since the funeral wail had woken me that morning. "It will do you good to be a father again."

  
**v.**

We were winning.

Neoptolemos's men were being pushed back, again and again. It was the third charge, and it was clear that the battle was almost finished. I tightened my grip on my sword, keeping my gaze focused on the enemy. It took all my will not to glance behind me for a glimpse of Markai and Karas, just to make certain they had not fallen. They were men now, no longer boys to be protected.

I saw a hint of movement in the corner of my eye, and I spun around. Then there was pain in my side, like both fire and ice. My vision grew red within a moment, my legs crumpling beneath me. I could hear the sounds of the battle, but they were dim as if coming from a great distance.

With absolute clarity, I knew that I would not see the end of the battle.

Visions played in my head, the sounds of the world around me fading away. Gull laughing as she ran her fingers through my graying hair. Markai standing tall and proud in his breastplate. Karas holding Ila above his head, spinning her around in a circle.

I saw Egypt, shining in the sunlight. Ashterah standing inside the temple in Byblos, catching my eye for the first time. Pylos as it had looked the day our ships sailed into his harbor, before Pythia arrived to save us all. The Citadel as it looked in my youth, before the People were taken from its walls.

My darling daughters, laughing as I kissed them goodbye for what none of us had known would be the last time. My wife looking pale and nervous on the night of our wedding, not certain what I expected from her in our marriage bed.

Then I lost myself. Xandros ceased to be and for a moment I saw everything that had been and all that would someday be.

I was a young boy running through the streets of an ancient city, pushing against the crowds as fire and ash rained down from the sky. I was a mother with two young children, standing on a beach of a far off land. I was a soldier, my red hair pulled back from my face and armor that shone like the sun covering my chest. I was a girl standing at the top of a building that seemed to touch the sky itself, staring down at the ground below. I was a priest chanting to a strange god. I was a grandfather holding a tiny baby in my arms, my husband standing behind me.

Then I was once again Xandros, as I had been as a boy, sitting on a grassy hill in Wilusa. Neas's hands were clinging tightly to my hair, holding me close as his lips pressed against mine. I shifted, unable to feel my leg from his weight pressing down on it. Suddenly he was sprawled in my lap, a chunk of my hair in his hand and a sheepish look on his face. I gaped for a moment, my head stinging where my hair had come loose, before I threw my head back and laughed.

_"This is love, Xandros the son of Markai. Never forget what you have been given."_


End file.
